Long Live The Wedding Industrial Complex
On only doing what feels good, weird bride tropes, and love at large
I put out an open call for questions at the end of last week’s newsletter. Turns out, people are interested on how I’m planning my wedding. Let’s back up, for the subscribers less caught up on my private life. The TLDR is that I met my soon-to-be-husband at the start of the pandemic, on a dating app. It was one of those loves where we knew right away. Christian (he has a name!) and I moved in at the end of this summer, and were engaged before Christmas. We’re going to be married in Manhattan this November!
Logistics out of the way, let’s talk about wedding planning. I grew up in a very wedding-centric pocket of purity culture, which is a way of saying I’ve been conditioned to think about my wedding since I was a little girl. It was pitched as the most important day of my life, the moment everything would shift into place, and I would fulfill my wifely duties, etc. So even though I have a Pinterest board I started when I was 17 and a scrapbook entry from 8th grade with my wedding dress selected off the runway, it felt totally different to consider my wedding in my real life relationship.
Thankfully, this isn’t going to be a think piece on the unpaid female labor straight weddings perpetuate or on purity culture, but more of a look at how I went about the very early stages of mapping out what I wanted our wedding to feel like.
#1 Gather Inspiration, Bridal or Otherwise
It’s me, so I made a slide deck. Normal brides would maybe opt for a Pinterest board. But I wanted to keep something that lives outside of an algorithm. Plus, the deck has been a great place to make notes on what specifically I love about a certain image. My mother-in-law has the most special flipbook of images from magazines that inspired me here. I wanted to pull from movies Christian and I love, places we’ve visited, and moments in our relationship that have felt monumental.
#2 Prioritize
Do you know the quote, “You can have it all, just not all at the same time?” I don’t really know what it’s in reference to, or if it’s factually sound, but something like this has guided my wedding planning. We made a list of the things that matter to us next to the things that don’t. For example, I’m planning on taking a stroll through the flower market in Chelsea the morning of my wedding because I just don’t care that much about flowers. Being married by our pastor and not some minister who might accidently ask if I promise to “submit to my husband?” Essential to me.
#3 The Joy of Opting Out (And In)
Here’s the best part about weddings: there are no rules. It feels like there are, but really, it’s whatever celebrates the very serious and very joyful commitment you’re making to another person! A short list of our opt outs: save the dates, engagement shoot, bachelorette party, homemade vows, candle lighting ceremony, attendee gifts, printed programs. A short list of our opt ins: test shoot in a fab house we rented with our amazing photographer, solo hotel stay the night before, renting out a restaurant we love, executing the planning as partners.
Sorry if wedding planning is too *niche* for the average newsletter reader. There’s not a lot out there that feels low key and (insert buzz word) authentic. Please respond to this email if you like bridal content. If you don’t, sometimes, me neither <3
Archived Outfit
Bianca Jagger’s a true style icon. Her wedding look is no exception. I love when people getting married stay very true to some details of a traditional look—she’s technically in a veil and all white—white totally ignoring others. The suit jacket without a shirt underneath feels a little tried and true at this point, but I can only imagine this wasn’t the case then. The length of her skirt is genius, cool without feeling overly formal. Of course the suit’s YSL.
This $50 suit is the sort of thing I would love to wear to a post-wedding brunch if I was having one.
This Carolina Herrera suit set for $69 is what Christian would call a “screaming deal.” I would tailor the skirt short and wear it with tall boots.
Honorable Mentions
Last week’s call for responses was a blast! So feel free to, as I mentioned, just reply to this email with anything you’re itching to see Long Live cover.
Last week, a reader asked for my thoughts on chore jackets. I’m totally pro! Take to Etsy for the most interesting options in a whole array of colors. I think buying them used is essential. New reads a little “lives in Williamsburg and works at a startup after graduating from Holy Cross” if you know what I mean. I like something like this.
More responses in next week’s installment. This little newsletter has brought me so much joy over the past few months. If you’re having a ball, forward to a friend or post a screenshot of some obvious grammatical error I made and tag me! Kidding, but your support means a lot.
Thank you so much for reading. This week, I wrote about phone straps. See you next Thursday! x